I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Screwed.edu
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
