Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i drank out of a bidet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
