I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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