If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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