I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
