East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
