I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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