I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
