Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
