FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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