we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
