Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
