my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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