If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize