Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
