I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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