She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
where am i from again
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
