I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
