My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
