They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize