A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
