life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
