If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
