why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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