we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I touched a dick in church today
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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