im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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