You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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