one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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