I think I am morally bankrupt
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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