I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
