So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
