yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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