My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
