mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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