Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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