If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
