Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
