your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
