i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
