two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When did we convert life to cartoon?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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