I cockslap morals
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Damn victory sex feels great
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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