I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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