got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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