Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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