well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found puke in my bra..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
