Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize