I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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