Welp...herpes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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