well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
