Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
