im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
