i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So much rum. So many feels.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
