And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
