I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize