i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
