My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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