I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
