Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
