Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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