dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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