Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
