You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
