Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
