You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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