He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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