Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
