he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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