I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
